The Dutch Society for NLP made a professional looking series of movies about the ‘Emergence of NLP in the Netherlands’. Since Jaap Hollander and Anneke Meijer brought NLP to the Netherlands, they were interviewed too. One part of the movie is about MindSonar and it was recorded in English, so we thought we’d put it here for the international MindSonar community.
Most people are already pretty good at crashing relationships and goofing up communication. Different people have different thinking styles. And people usually like their own thinking just fine, it’s the other people they have trouble with. Look around you, and you will see plenty of irritation, anger, frustration and conflict. How do they do it? How do they succeed in creating all this trouble? Or even more important: How do you do it? Let’s have a look at seven effective and time-tested ways to get frustrated through thinking styles. Seven proven ways to drive yourself crazy with Meta Programs.
What are Meta Programs?
Meta Programs are elements of your mindset, things like ‘towards’ (focus on goals) versus ‘away from’ (focus on problems). Your mindset is a combination of Meta Programs and values. Your mindset often determines what you do and how you feel.
1. People with a different thinking style suck
Let’s start with one of the most effective ways to get frustrated: believe that your own thinking style is the best one in the world. If not to say the only one. So for instance, let’s say you think in terms of the future and you like options. You could then simply call anyone who thinks in terms of the past and procedures an ‘old-fashioned coward’. This is a great technique, because it guarantees that you will meet old-fashioned cowards everywhere.
Guiding Principle: My Meta Programs are the only sane Meta Programs there are.
2. Mismatch proactively and in great detail
Let me explain the jargon here: ‘mismatching’ means that you focus on what’s bad or wrong. Its counterpart is ‘matching’: looking for what is right and good. If you mismatch proactively, that means that you do it without thinking about it much. You just simply do it all the time. And if you mismatch on all the details, you have a huge number of things you can find fault with. Everywhere you go, you will notice lots of things that are bad or wrong or incorrect or just simply ridiculous. Especially when you are an emotional person, this can be a perfect self-despairing technique.
Guiding Principle: Use the Meta Programs ‘mismatching’, ‘proactive’ and ‘specific’ in combination with each other.
3. If it doesn’t work, do it some more
Your thinking style is great for some things and not so great for other things. It may be great for designing buildings but not for playing with children. That’s why some people are flexible in how they think. So here is another great frustration booster: if your thinking style is not working, do it some more! For instance, if you feel strongly responsible for things and you are exhausted, do it some more of that: start taking even more responsibility.
Guiding Principle: Stick to your Meta Programs no matter what.
4. Find derogative words for other thinking styles
If you are a very practical thinker, you like to ask: what are we going to do with this? How can we use this? And if you work or live with someone who is more of theoretical thinker, they like to ask: what is the essence? Now watch out! You might be tempted to appreciate them for their different thinking style. Don’t! Instead, call them ‘cerebral’ or ‘vague’ or ‘pedantic’. Finding derogative words for their thinking style works great as a relationship destroyer!
Guiding Principle: People with other Meta Programs are dumb, ugly and [fill in negative qualification here].
5. Try to motivate people without understanding them
Sometimes you want to suggest to people what would be a good thing to do. And their thinking style usually differs from yours. And this provides you with yet another great opportunity for self-frustration! Lets say, for instance, that you think in terms of goals you want to achieve, and they think in terms of problems they want to avoid. So you vividly describe the things they can achieve with your plans. And they respond with a blank stare. An awesome self-frustration technique!
Guiding Principle: Everybody has the same Meta Programs I have.
6. Explain to people what is wrong with them
You have probably had someone, a friend, a co-worker, a family member, whoever, come up to you and start complaining to you about you. You were not doing things right, you wanted the wrong things, you didn’t treat them right, and so on. Remember: if they can do that to you, you can do it to them! For instance, if you are focused on the future and they are focused on the past, explain to them – in great detail and at great length – how much better it would be if they focused on the future more. Just like you do. And if they protest? That’s because they are so focused on the past. Explain that to them.
Guiding Principle: Clearly explain to others why they use the wrong Meta Programs.
7. Surround yourself with people who think just like you
This last technique can defeat not only individuals, but whole organizations; whole countries even. And yet it is quite simple to do. Just select people who have the same thinking style you have. And then simply refuse to talk to anyone else. Do you think in terms of goals? Only work with goal oriented people. Avoid anyone who thinks in terms of problems, they just make things difficult. Do you focus on feelings? Only work with other feeling types. Avoid anyone who focuses on pictures or stories, they just confuse things anyway. And so on. The beauty of it is: you can use all of the other techniques I described above to support this one!
Guiding Principle: Find people with the exact same Meta Programs and talk only with them.
Look at the picture. Isn’t Superman a prime example of internal locus of control? You don’t see Superman throwing his hands in the air and sighing ‘I sure wish I could save the world, but hey, it’s a pretty complex task’.
A colleague who works with criminals as a therapist, had a difficult week last week. One of his clients murdered someone. And this, understandably, upset him very badly. He felt he should have seen it coming. In the last Continue reading
A video about Dutch MindSonar professional Rien van Leeuwen, who did an interesting MindSonar project with project managers. Combining MindSonar with his own questionnaire about Human Success Factors, Rien looked for connections between meta programs and success factors. He identified two patterns that are involved in successful projects. In the video, Rien describes his research.
Tomek Zawadzki did it again: the second MindSonar Certification Training started in Poland in June. It was taught by Jennet Burghard, an esteemed member of the MindSonar Experts Committee in the Netherlads. Jennet is also a very lively and people oriented trainer. A professional photographer recorded the training. Watch the slide show, and you will get a feeling for the open learning atmosphere that Jennet and the participants created in this CT.
Patricia Jiménez, from Peru, came up with some great examples of Meta Programs in quotes. She gracefully agreed to share them with you all.
Proactive – Acting quickly.
“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do something’ themselves, they wanna tell you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it.”
(Will Smith; Movie: The Pursuit of Happiness).
Reactive – Contemplating.
“The wise never says everything he thinks, but always thinks everything he says”.
(Aristotle)
Towards – Achieving Goals.
“A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding”
(Walt Disney)
“Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them.”
(Henry Ford)
Away from – Avoiding Problems.
“The formulation of the problem is often more essential than its solution”
(Albert Einstein)
“The world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.”
(Silvester Stallone; Movie: Rocky Balboa)
Internally Referenced – Own standards.
“Don’t ever let someone tell you, you can’t do something. Not even me.”
(Will Smith, Movie: The Pursuit of Happiness)
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”.
(Quote of the movie: Gone with the Wind)
Externally Referenced – Other’s standards.
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get to other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
(Henry Ford)
Options – See possibilities.
“When you think all is lost, do not forget that you still have the future your brain, your will and two hands to change your fate.”
(Werner von Braun)
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
(Winston Churchill)
Procedures – Step by step.
“Whom do I call educated? First, those who manage well the circumstances they encounter day by day. Next, those who are decent and honorable in their intercourse with all men.”
(Socrates)
“I suppose my formula might be: dream, diversify and never miss an angle.”
(Walt Disney)
General – Large Panorama.
“I could never convince the financiers that Disneyland was feasible, because dreams offer too little collateral.”
(Walt Disney)
Specific – Focusing on details.
“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”
(Bruce Lee)
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
(Aristotle)
Matching – Meeting the criteria.
“It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what’s right.”
(Quote of the movie: Spiderman 3)
“During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities”.
(Nelson Mandela)
Mismatching – Not meeting the criteria.
“The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”
(Albert Einstein)
“You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time.”
(Abraham Lincoln)
Internal Locus of Control – Being in control.
“If you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you!”
(Silvester Stallone (Rocky Balboa)
“It’s the niceties that make the difference, fate gives us the hand, and we play the cards.”
(Arthur Schopenhauer)
External Locus of Control – Others are in control.
“My momma always said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
(Movie: Forest Gump)
“I expected to do better but the weights were too heavy.”
(Manuel Mingifnel, weight lifter)
Maintenance – Stability .
“There are men who struggle for a day, and they are good. There are others who struggle for a year, and they are better. There are some who struggle many years, and they are better still. But there are those who struggle all their lives, and these are the indispensable ones.”
(Bertolt Brecht)
Development – Growth
“It is no use to man lament the times in which he lives . The only good thing you can do is try to improve.”
(Thomas Carlyle Historian, English essayist and thinker)
“Whenever I go on a ride, I’m always thinking of what’s wrong with the thing and how it can be improved.”
“I learned that the hard part is not getting to the top, but never stop rising”.
(Walt Disney)
“Blessed are those who are at the bottom of the well because from then on forward can only be improving.”
(Joan Manuel Serrat)
Change – Radical change.
“I can never stand still. I must explore and experiment. I am never satisfied with my work. I resent the limitations of my own imagination.”
(Walt Disney)
“If you want to change the world, start with yourself.”
(Mahatma Gandhi)
Sorting by People
“The workers in mainland China and inside the Disney park, their salaries are very low and the work days are very long.”
(Walt Disney)
Sorting by Activity
“Just as iron rusts from disuse, even so does inaction spoil the intellect.”
(Leonardo Da Vinci)
“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love – these are what we stay alive for.”
(Robin Williams)
Sorting by Information
“I come from a world full of roads, mountains, jungle, sea, meadow and sand. I have a thirst for peace, so infinite! Do me a love nest for my grief.”
(Atahualpa Yupanqui. Argentine writer)
a. Concept b. Structure c. Use
“I went to the woods because I wished to live consciously, I wanted to live fully and extract the essence of life. Forget everything out of life, so i won’t find out in death, that i had not lived.”
(The club Dead Poets Society)
Together
“We deliver what was expected of us. People did not think we were going to permeate as a whole as fast as we have done”
(Kevin Durant, basketball gold in the United States and top scorer of the tournament with 156 points)
Proximity
“I like friends who have independent minds because they tend to make you see problems from all angles.”
(Nelson Mandela)
Solo
“I am now a legend.”
(Usain Bolt (Jamaica, Athletics), after winning the gold in the 100 and 200 meters)
“The strategy worked. I wanted it to gold, that was my goal”.
(Arthur Zanetti (Brazil, gymnastics) , after winning the first gold in history to the Latin American gymnastics)
Past
“I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.”
(Abraham Lincoln)
“Every piece of land , is sacred to my people , every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods , every meadow , every insect in its buzz. All are holy in the memory and in the experience of my people.”
(Head of the Tribe Suwamixh XIX)
Present
“If you are attentive to the present, the past will not distract you, then you’ll be always new.”
(Facundo Cabral, Singer songwriter)
Future
“After all, tomorrow is another day.”
(Scarlett O’Hara, movie: Gone with the Wind)
Visual
“I see little commercial potential for the internet for the next 10 years.”
(Bill Gates)
“I see Israel as one of the great outposts of democracy in the world, and a marvelous example of what can be done, how desert land can be transformed into an oasis of brotherhood and democracy”.
(Martin Luther King)
Auditory
“Listening to the past: towards a social history of popular music.“
(Network of Scientific Journals from Latin America, the Caribbean Spain and Portugal. Scientific Information System)
Kinesthetic
“I’ve been grateful my whole life to my father for teaching me to do physical work since childhood. My learning in infancy has been useful later more than once.”
(Aleksandr Kotov)
“People experiencing strong internal emotions are less vulnerable to external pain.”
(John Seymour)
